Tuesday, April 27
Apologies (Again!)
Yes, I know that I haven't posted anything of note here for a good few days, but I just haven't been inclined to write a huge amount. There's been quite a few things that have happened and have been important in my life, but I haven't felt the absolute need or desire to write about them just yet.
This isn't going to be the ultimate catch-up post, because there probably won't be one at all. Suffice it to say that myself and my housemates are no longer at loggerheads with each other, and the chasms that opened between us due to this blog have been bridged to some extent. I think there's still some ill-feeling there, along with some unspoken resentment, but this is neither the time nor the place to give those issues great consideration.
The other very big event that took place is that Girl and I are no longer together. The break-up was I guess amicable, and I hope we're still friends, although she did seem very cold towards me at the time. "Well, that was a waste of 2 months" were her exact words, I believe. Although there was a fair bit of spite in her voice as she said it, I'm not entirely certain that she really meant it.
I'm determined not to expand on those subjects here because they have happened and they are now behind me / us. I don't feel the need to rake up old ground when it has been settled; it would just open up any ill-feeling that I might have deep down inside of me, even if I didn't know about it at all. I know this might seem as if I'm shying away from my responsibilty to inform on this blog, but I don't write to inform, at least not in a primary role.
I write here because I want to write and feel I need to write. Sometimes there is something to say, other times there are emotions to get out of my system. If I no longer have feelings and opinions on a subject, because I have dealt with them in the "real world", I find it particularly difficult to then re-express them here, at a time after the event.
So yeah, back to a single life, and I'm certainly not out looking for another relationship right now. I've coped for twenty years without one, and whilst it was fantastic with Girl while it lasted, I don't feel the need to launch into another relationship right now. Plus I have a life outside of chasing women, which at the moment is totally encompassed by attempting (and failing miserably) to revise for my upcoming exams.
It's less than two weeks until the first one, and I've barely started doing any revision at all. Yes, I am guilt-tripping terribly about this, but I just cannot find any motivation to start. I instead find myself lying in bed until sometime around midday, lounging around and doing fuck-all all day long, and then going to bed at a stupidly late hour, all without touching any of my notes or textbooks.
It's not as if I even accomplish a huge amount during the day. I do small things, but not enough to fill a whole day. Too often I end up watching snooker on the TV, when I could be spending my time a hell of a lot more productively. I could even do something worthwhile around the house if I'm not revising, because that at least has a positive outcome. But no, I sunbathe (our roof terrace is an incredible suntrap), watch TV, read newspapers from cover to cover, go to visit friends for the day, watch more TV and basically waste my time.
Why do I not have the motivation to study? I think it has been inspired (if that is the word) by the apathy I felt towards two of my four subjects at the end of the last semester. I totally lost interest in Criminology and Evidence from about January onwards, for reasons that I have yet to quite determine. I slacked on the work for those subjects, often not even bothering to do the reading for my tutorials, and sometimes failing to turn up to the tutorials at all.
This is a great shame, because until Christmas they were very interesting subjects, and I actually enjoyed doing the work for them. The reason for my change of feeling towards them was not because I was finding them difficult (Evidence is in fact just a case of remembering case names and the exceptions to general rules that they establish), but I think because I lost any connection that I had with the individual topics within each subject. They became boring, unconnected and uninteresting.
But anyway, so ends yet another rambling, unplanned and incoherent post. Expect a big downturn in my frequency of posting over the next month or so, if it hasn't happened already, since I will be ploughing all of my energies into my revision and my exams. Oh, and job-hunting. If anyone needs a willing, intelligent (if I may say so myself) and organised person in their London workplace over the summer, please let me know. Not that I'm begging for a job.
Yet.
