Wednesday, November 19
What A Crap Birthday
An officially crap day. I think only one of my (6) housemates knew that it was my birthday today. Boo at them. Plus I only got 2 text messages from friends from back home. Oh joy. Glad to know that I'm being remembered.
I'm in a thoroughly depressed mood as well, what with the combination of the above and last night's conversations in our lounge. For some reason (actually, we had been watching the Adult at 14 season on C4) the subject matter was sex. The conversation went on for ages, and I sat there, mostly dumb. I'm not sure if any of my housemates even know that I haven't had sex yet, and I wasn't particularly keen to raise the matter with them. I don't think it's so much that I'm ashamed of it, just that I don't overly want to spread the news.
After that, it was just me and Pete left up, watching a little bit of TV. It had just gone midnight, and Pete asked me what I was doing tomorrow (today). I said a couple of things, like going to the library (now) and a German class, then finished by saying "What a great way to spend your birthday." Pete was dumbstruck. He thought it was this Friday, because we had vague plans of going out that night, and was very apologetic. I laughed it off, because it was no biggie, but he said something that struck me as true: "This is the year where you realise you've done nothing with your life yet."
It's true. I haven't. I went through the school system, not doing anything really interesting or away from the norm. I then went to uni, and am still just following the crowd, doing whatever everybody wants me to do. I haven't done anything worthwhile, and I haven't even made anybody (that I know of) happy. And vice-versa, there's never been anybody who has made me overtly happy. It sucks.
How to change? I don't fucking know.
