Wednesday, October 22
Being Single. And Hating It.
I’m still single, still in the same position that I have been in for the last three years. Fuck’s sake, THREE fucking years without a girlfriend. And possibly more importantly, at least 3 months since I even got off with a girl. Fuck’s sake. Not a good state of affairs all round.
What annoys me is that I keep seeing happy couples everywhere. It seems that they search me out and then flaunt their contented togetherness deliberately just in front of me. I always end up sitting near a couple on a night bus, them constantly kissing all the way home. Right when I’m a little depressed from having gone out and not pulled again.
I used to be of the mindset that I’d always go out with the intention of pulling, and then feel like I’d had a crap night when I didn’t pull, even if the rest of the night was cool. I changed that, and started going out with the intention of having a good time, even without pulling. If I pulled, that was a bonus. That was a wicked way to be, because every Sunday I’d wake up knowing that I’d had a good night out on the Saturday. I’m still like that now, but it’s starting to grate on me a little bit that I still don’t pull as often as I’d like to.
Or even fall in love at all.
There has been a few pleasant plusses recently though. I went to Phase the other Friday night with one of my housemates and a few of his mates that I know. Phase is the Friday night at our Student Union club, and is a real good laugh. Pure cheesy music, always with Bon Jovi – Livin’ On A Prayer thrown in at the end of the night. The drinks are cheap, and you always get battered.
When I’ve had a few drinks, I get up on the dance floor and shake-shake my Thing. It’s just something I do, and I’m not that bad a dancer. Well, supposedly I’m not anyway. I can’t dance when I’m sober though, it just feels completely wrong. Higher inhibitions with sobriety, I guess.
Anyway, this particular Friday night I ended up dancing with my mate’s girlfriend (not in a bad way) and all of her friends for a while. I never even thought of pulling them, it just didn’t occur to me. The next lunchtime, I got up, very hungover, and went downstairs for a shower. My mate’s room is next to the bathroom, so I knocked on his door to blame him for my hangover. He being the person who convinced me to go to Phase in the first place. His girlfriend was in there too, and she started telling me about the dancing with the girls. Apparently, quite a few were very interested, if you know what I mean, nudge nudge, wink wink. Hurrah, I inspired interest from the opposite sex!
Now, if only I could figure that out at the time, instead of being told about it the morning after.
That, and learning how to act on that interest.
