Friday, April 18
Oh, far too drunk last night. Not quite as bad as last Thursday, because I can remember last night today... Thankfully all of my friends were just as drunk, including the girls for once. I have some stunning female friends, and they were looking very good last night, and were being particularly loud / flirty, what with the drunkenness and everything. Double vodkas for £1 is not conducive to a sober night (wow, used the word conducive in a sentence without thinking about it).Anyway, back to the girls. One friend / acquaintance who i hadn't seen for a year or so has suddenly got breasts, as opposed to the nothing that was there last time I saw her.
I was sitting outside the bar at about 1am, talking about her to another mate of mine, who was just as surprised as me, when 2 of my other friends (girls) asked who we were talking about. Me and Steve were not being overly quiet in what we had been saying... The conversation went a little like this:
Laura: Who are you talking about? Me?
Me: No, can't say about who. Sorry
Laura: It's Helen, right?
Frances: No, it must be you Laura.
Steve: Not either of you I'm afraid, nor Helen.
Laura: Was it me?
Me: No.
Laura: Was it Helen?
Me: No
Laura: Was it Frances?
Me: No
Laura: Was it (can't remember the next name...)?
Me: No
Laura: Stop being such a bastard!
Frances: Must be Laura, she's got great boobs.
Me and Steve: Yep, yes she has.
Laura: I'll show you them if you tell me who you were talking about...
(Me and Steve look at each other)
Me and Steve: Nope.
Me ("whispering" to Steve, too loud): The longer we hold out, the more they'll offer
Laura, overhearing: No we won't. How about Frances' boobs, they'e great. Look (grabs hold of Frances' boobs)
Frances: Nah, yours are nicer (grabs hold of Laura's)
Me: I'd get a slap if I did that.
Laura: Girls are just allowed to... (rubs Frances' boobs)
Frances: Yeah, we just can. (rub's Laura's)
(Me and Steve just sit and watch.)
Laura and Frances: Come on, tell us!
Me and Steve: Nope.
And so on, and so on. I then got a flash of Laura's underwear, but I looked her in the eye the whole time she did it, just to piss her off. Now thinking, why? Later, after a fair few more vodkas and outside Acropolis (best kebab shop on the planet) Laura offered me a good feel if I told her. I refused to say, but she still let me (love you laura!). Being a gent again, I only had a light feel, but she grabbed my hand, and told me to give them a good squeeze. Even a gentleman's got to oblige in those circumstances... Glad I wasn't too drunk to forget this overnight!
Genuinely feared for my life on the way home, getting a lift from a girl I hadn't spoken to for about 4 years. We were hurtling along this road, heading towards a mate's house to drop him off, and she almost missed the turning. Cue slamming on the brakes, and throwing it around the corner at about 40mph. Not good when you're battered and not wearing a seatbelt...
