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Saturday, May 1

I'm going to invoke the wrath of my female readers (if I have any) in the following post. The male readers will no doubt appreciate it, and hopefully agree too. Hell, I have to listen to my masculine side sometimes, if I'm to prove to certain readers that I am in fact not gay. I don't thinkI'm overtly trying to prove my heterosexuality, this post just happens to be something I was thinking about the other day.

So, without further ado, I present my thoughts on the two concurrent subjects of warm weather and female fashion.

Do you know why I love summer? Because women wear less clothes and show more flesh. Hurrah!!! Ooh, can you feel the blood boiling in the feminists? It's your own stupid fault, stop wearing less, and tell the rest of the sisterhood the same. Leave me to ogle!

So yeah, summertime. I was down in Central London on Monday, meeting a mate of mine from back home in Melksham and wandering around Oxford Street and Covent Garden. It was one of the hottest days of the year, and the sun was blazing.

The fit women were out in force. Myself and Wes had eyeballs out on stalks as we walked fairly aimlessly around. What is it about the sun that makes the more attractive women in today's society suddenly decide to show some leg and a bit of cleavage?

Not that I'm complaining, of course. I am one of the biggest advocates and supporters of the return of the mini-skirt to fashion, so long as the wearer has a good set of legs.

Oh, and the shorter the better. Did anyone see Hollyoaks earlier this week, when Debbie went on a date with Darren? I have to admit that Debbie is my favourite of the female cast, she is so unbelievably attractive. Anyway, in this particular episode, she had THE shortest skirt imaginable on. Honestly, it must have barely cover her (delightful) ass. Beautiful. But yeah, catch it again in the omnibus on Sunday morning.

Come to think of it, when was the last time I made it out of bed on a Sunday morning? But I digress.

I'll just pause here to mention that I'm not writing this on a computer at the moment. I'm sat in my living room, watching the Dave Spikey DVD, and writing on a pad with a pen. Yes, I'm going old-school.

I mention this because Alex has just got back from a night out, very wasted and a little pilled up, and has brought back this girl from King's, who I think I've met before. I was in all probability quite, quite drunk though. I usually am when I meet friends of friends.

Anyway, this girl, I don't know her name, is thankfully a slave to current fashion trends. She also has nice legs. Hurrah! Pretty too. Well done Alex, is all I can say.

Wow, blogging in real time, how contemporary and cool am I? Friday nights ay? What a celebrity lifestyle I live, partying 24/7 and barely pausing to sleep or draw breath.

Or, I could be sat on my ass, watching pretty crap Friday night TV with Pete. At least Bo Selecta! was on, and my favourite episode: the one where Avid interviews Meatloaf in song at the end. Fucking hilarious.

But I digress once more. Where was I? Ahh yes, the sun and the female flesh on display.

I have to admit that I, as they say, am a breast man. Which is why the summer is so great. Even just hints of cleavage are a good thing. Power to those (good-looking) women who choose to flaunt their femininity through, erm, wearing less. Power be indeed.

Am I coming across as particularly chauvinistic? I hope so. It's been a while since I've cut loose like this, bothering to express my thoughts on this subject. This is weird, because it's not as if it is ever that far from my mind. I guess I just don't think about it when I'm sat in front of my computer, writing random shit about myself.

I'm surprised it's taken this long to get around to writing this piece, I really am. I'm a guy, I do think if sex pretty much all the time, even if seemingly gets me nowhere pretty much all the time.

I think I've exhausted the subject and my thoughts on it for now, so I'll stop. I've managed to fill 2 pages of A4 with these ramblings, which should be more than sufficient for me, and for you.

Also, we've just put League of Gentlemen Series 1 on, even though it's nearly 3am. Sleep? Pah! Revision? Pah! Passing Exams? Pah! Women? Please...

Friday, April 30

Ways I Am Avoiding Revising

No. 1 in a Series of (Potentially) Hundreds
Today's prime example: watching episodes of The Simpsons until 1am, when I could / should be:
a) doing some revision; or,
b) in bed, sleeping in preparation for waking at a respectable hour tomorrow, so that I can crack on and get some revision done.

Guilt level: HIGH
Motivation level: ULTRA-LOW
Love of The Simpsons: VERY HIGH
Probability of actually doing some revision tomorrow: MODERATE

I'm so, what's the word, fucked for these exams. And yet there is this distinctly nihilistic feeling of nonchalance and melancholy flowing through me... Somebody motivate me!!!

Money Goes Up, Money Goes Down

I received a very pleasant envelope through the post this morning. It contained a ?100 cheque from the Observer for the excerpts from this blog that were used in the article that I was a part of. Finally, someone has recognised that my writing here deserves payment!!! This makes up for those dark days and nights when I wondered why I even bothered to carry on writing here, because no-one read it, and it was becoming a chore.

Of course, 'tis not so any more. I thoroughly enjoy writing here, and it is appreciated (I think) by those of you who take the time to make return visits. Of course, there are those who dislike and mock what I write here, but yet they keep returning... Each to your own, I guess.

I have to admit that when I read the blogs that I do (in the handy list on the immediate left), I am a non-responsive reader in the most cases. It's kind of voyeuristic to read someone's writing and gain insight into their lives without them knowing who you are, and basically without them even knowing you're reading.

It's here that I draw comparisons to "proper" reality TV programmes such as Big Brother. To me, that is exactly the same as reading a blog: you know all about the person, but they know nothing of you; you can see / read their most intimate moments and feelings, but they don't even know you're there; there is an opportunity to pass judgement on the person, either by leaving a small comment on their blog, or by voting for / against them on TV (the latter is obviously even more anonymous).

I say "proper" reality TV because the phrase "reality TV" has been over-used in recent years. Proper reality TV is (in my opinion) when the TV show is just reality, in its entirety. Of course, I completely understand that the Big Brother house is anything but normal in the true sense, but we get to see the housemates as a whole, from waking to retiring to bed. We get to see them interact, react and act for the entire time that they are on screen. Yes, some of it is inconsequential (most of it, to be honest), but that is what makes it so addictive.

We all have lives, we all know that they are not one exciting event after another, that they contain long periods of boredom or melancholy. It is because of this that we are fascinated by watching other people go about their lives, especially as we know that they do not know that we (as a particular individual) are watching, and also that they do not know our opinions of them, until after the event. This is "proper" reality TV, because it is an entire life, a "real" life, not just the period that someone has chosen to be filmed.

Reality TV now encompasses any programme that doesn't feature actors or celebrities. These aren't reality TV, they are minor episodes or events in people's lives. I want to see a person's life in its entirety, as they move from one day to the next, with all of the supposedly boring and uneventful times in between. The Truman Show pretty much sums it up, especially with the wholly unknowingness of the title character. Perhaps I just want to view the world through someone else's eyes, to escape my own reality and experience someone else's.

But yeah, reality TV. Can you tell that I heard something about the forthcoming new series of Big Brother on the radio today? I get easily inspired to write random things.

Returning to the subject of money, as that was what I was originally going to write about, I paid that cheque into my account, and promptly rediscovered Ebay.

Well, that's a slight lie, because I rediscovered Ebay two days ago, when I was hunting for a cable to connect my shiny new phone to my computer, so that I can upload all of the random pictures I've taken to the photo blog. And no, before you ask / go check, I haven't updated that blog just yet, even though I keep promising to. Meh, the snooker's been on TV all week. I found the cable I was looking for, for a very good price, direct from Hong Kong, and thought that was that.

But, of course, it wasn't to be. Ebay always seems to pull me ever closer and deeper into its murkier depths. Hence, I have today bought About Schmidt and Training Day on DVD, as well as some new printer cartridges. I managed to lose three or four auctions as well, for other cool DVDs that I've been hunting down (Event Horizon, Vanilla Sky, Reservoir Dogs). They were so very, very cheap, so I don't feel too bad in buying them, but they're still something I can and should do without. Never mind, it'll just be cheese on toast for a couple of weeks.

That's a joke, by the way, I actually manage to eat very well for a student. I'm a half-decent cook, and can throw together a very tasty meal from bits and bobs left in the cupboard / fridge. That's not to say that there aren't packets of Super Noodles in my cupboard, because there are. They're soooo tasty and easy!

Jesus Christ, do I ever fucking ramble when I write?! I guess it comes from never planning a post before I sit down and write it. Sometimes there's a vague theme running through it, but quite often it becomes a stream of consciousness. Well, maybe not a perfect stream of consciousness, because I bother to use punctuation, but it's pretty much as I think. And yes, this is yet another occasion where I am writing about how and why I write. So what? Stream of consciousness...

Another ?4 went on the new issue of DVD Review, my new favourite magazine. I need to stop buying it though, not just because of its prohibitive cover price. Every time I pick it up, I end up creating a mental list of DVDs, not just that I want, but that I need to own. This is where Ebay could come in handy, I feel.

The most important news from this issue is that there is a special edition of Reservoir Dogs being released very soon. This is a DVD that is most definitely on the "need" list, along with the special edition of There's Something About Mary (one of my favourite comedies, nay films ever) and The Alien Quadrilogy (have you seen the packaging? It looks so fucking cool!). Add to this a whole host of films that have made it onto my "want" list, and I can see all of my future money being tied up in a huge DVD collection.

Apart, that is, from the final ?23 that I spent this evening. This went on a ticket for the testimonial game for Martin Keown (the Arsenal defender). It's at the end of the season, and features and Arsenal XI against and England XI. Two names confirmed so far are Ian Wright and Paul Gascoigne, 2 legends of recent footballing history. I'm very pleased that I managed to get a ticket for this, very pleased indeed. still has some available, if you're interested. If you are, email me and I'll see about meeting you for a pint before / after the game. I'm sure I'd be a complete and utter letdown in the flesh, but meh, you'll get to see the legend that is me Martin Keown.

There's only one Keown!
There's only one Keown!
There's ony one Keown!
There's only one Keown!

Revision? Pah, that can wait.

Exams? I'm so unbelievably screwed. But yet I can't find that motivation to start revising. It's times like these that I wish the internet had never been created, because it distracts me so much from what I should be doing.

Oh, who am I kidding, I LOVE THE INTERNET!!! The best thing ever invented, without a doubt. Well, the second best, after football. Better make it third, actually, because alcohol is right up there too. Let's just say that the internet is in the Top 5, shall we?

And so ends yet another ill-prepared and random post. I think they're much more fun to write, since I keep getting inspired by a single word / phrase to go off on a tangent and to eventuall return to the subject matter at hand. I hope they make for just as interesting a time to read. Let me know if they do or don't, unless you're a voyeuristic, anonymous reader in the same way as me.

Have you ever noticed how I find it so very difficult to end a post? I keep thinking of more and more stuff to write about, even after I've written the supposedly closing paragraph. Ahh, hell to it, this is the way I think, and hence the way I write. Love it or loathe it, I write like this. Meh.

Wednesday, April 28

Bleh Day

I'm having a bleh day, full of doing pretty much nothing, so I'm afraid there is absolutely nothing to write about. I live such an exciting life, don't you know? Full of hilarious stories, wacky adventures and crazy events.

Or not, as the last few days have shown. Meh.

Tuesday, April 27

Apologies (Again!)

Yes, I know that I haven't posted anything of note here for a good few days, but I just haven't been inclined to write a huge amount. There's been quite a few things that have happened and have been important in my life, but I haven't felt the absolute need or desire to write about them just yet.

This isn't going to be the ultimate catch-up post, because there probably won't be one at all. Suffice it to say that myself and my housemates are no longer at loggerheads with each other, and the chasms that opened between us due to this blog have been bridged to some extent. I think there's still some ill-feeling there, along with some unspoken resentment, but this is neither the time nor the place to give those issues great consideration.

The other very big event that took place is that Girl and I are no longer together. The break-up was I guess amicable, and I hope we're still friends, although she did seem very cold towards me at the time. "Well, that was a waste of 2 months" were her exact words, I believe. Although there was a fair bit of spite in her voice as she said it, I'm not entirely certain that she really meant it.

I'm determined not to expand on those subjects here because they have happened and they are now behind me / us. I don't feel the need to rake up old ground when it has been settled; it would just open up any ill-feeling that I might have deep down inside of me, even if I didn't know about it at all. I know this might seem as if I'm shying away from my responsibilty to inform on this blog, but I don't write to inform, at least not in a primary role.

I write here because I want to write and feel I need to write. Sometimes there is something to say, other times there are emotions to get out of my system. If I no longer have feelings and opinions on a subject, because I have dealt with them in the "real world", I find it particularly difficult to then re-express them here, at a time after the event.

So yeah, back to a single life, and I'm certainly not out looking for another relationship right now. I've coped for twenty years without one, and whilst it was fantastic with Girl while it lasted, I don't feel the need to launch into another relationship right now. Plus I have a life outside of chasing women, which at the moment is totally encompassed by attempting (and failing miserably) to revise for my upcoming exams.

It's less than two weeks until the first one, and I've barely started doing any revision at all. Yes, I am guilt-tripping terribly about this, but I just cannot find any motivation to start. I instead find myself lying in bed until sometime around midday, lounging around and doing fuck-all all day long, and then going to bed at a stupidly late hour, all without touching any of my notes or textbooks.

It's not as if I even accomplish a huge amount during the day. I do small things, but not enough to fill a whole day. Too often I end up watching snooker on the TV, when I could be spending my time a hell of a lot more productively. I could even do something worthwhile around the house if I'm not revising, because that at least has a positive outcome. But no, I sunbathe (our roof terrace is an incredible suntrap), watch TV, read newspapers from cover to cover, go to visit friends for the day, watch more TV and basically waste my time.

Why do I not have the motivation to study? I think it has been inspired (if that is the word) by the apathy I felt towards two of my four subjects at the end of the last semester. I totally lost interest in Criminology and Evidence from about January onwards, for reasons that I have yet to quite determine. I slacked on the work for those subjects, often not even bothering to do the reading for my tutorials, and sometimes failing to turn up to the tutorials at all.

This is a great shame, because until Christmas they were very interesting subjects, and I actually enjoyed doing the work for them. The reason for my change of feeling towards them was not because I was finding them difficult (Evidence is in fact just a case of remembering case names and the exceptions to general rules that they establish), but I think because I lost any connection that I had with the individual topics within each subject. They became boring, unconnected and uninteresting.

But anyway, so ends yet another rambling, unplanned and incoherent post. Expect a big downturn in my frequency of posting over the next month or so, if it hasn't happened already, since I will be ploughing all of my energies into my revision and my exams. Oh, and job-hunting. If anyone needs a willing, intelligent (if I may say so myself) and organised person in their London workplace over the summer, please let me know. Not that I'm begging for a job.

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